Sex Coaching

What is Sex Coaching?

Sex Coaching is my professional style of sexual education, counselling or therapy. In the 90's I coined this expression to integrate the work that I was doing as a board certified Clinical Sexologist, Sexuality Educator and Personal Coach. I have always admired the work of Thomas Leonard, the developer of coaching as its own profession. Back then I had the privilege of being coached by the best, Julian Cohen and Cheryl Richardson. I utilized some of the principles from that philosophical model for personal empowerment as a component of my working style with clients as their Sex Coach.

So, is it traditional sex therapy?

Not really, although each sex therapist or counsellor will tell you that he or she uses a unique model. Often a qualified sexologist will use the PLISSIT model founded by Dr. Jack Annon, which I use in an amended format. P for permission, LI for limited information, SS for specific suggestions and IT (in my model) for intensive training.

Then, how is Sex Coaching different?

Sex Coaching is a mix of these elements:
1) Personalized sexuality information and education
2) Re-directive cognitive processes and mental reframing
3) Emotional balancing
4) Intuitive guidance
5) Behavioral training
6) Resource and referral management

So, you can see it's not your average bear type of talk therapy. Sex Coaching is really driven by my clients' desire to set and reach goals for their life's fulfillment. To my way of thinking, Sex Coaching is not therapy: it doesn't take a look back at the stumbles and falls of your life. Instead, it takes your hand, placing the power in the dynamic of guiding while empowering you, and it points you toward your dreams. With the focus on a future outcome, you can reach your goals, visions, and wishes and have what you want to manifest in your life. It's a process, not an event. Sex Coaching involves talking, accessing emotions, practicing a variety of specific exercises, conducting home assignments to do alone or with your partner, reading, watching videos, writing and, most of all, daring to change.

How does Sex Coaching work?

As a sexologist, I have discovered that there are five basic areas that need to be discovered, addressed, unblocked and then aligned.

1) Mind - information, your self-talk, thinking about sexual performance, capacity for fantasy, troubling thought patterns, such as compulsivity

2) Emotions - the feelings you carry from the past, about your body and body image, what you suppress and express, how you express your emotions, and your capacity for intimacy

3) Body-image issues, knowing how your own sexual pattern works, understanding your own body's sexual architecture and function, acknowledging your own sexual (dys)functions, learning skills for how to be a successful lover alone or with a partner

4) Energy - sex is all about energy; the build-up, the containment and the expression of energy; in my one-on-one work I am able to observe your energy patterns within yourself and with a partner (even about how your non-physical relationship dynamics) and give coaching feedback for handling this often overlooked part of your sexuality

5) Spirit - that essence of self; those esoteric moments or practices that transcend the moment, such as peak orgasm experiences; sacred sexuality; the more subtle and delicate manner in which you deny or reflect your inner self through your sexuality; the path of sex to experience the Divine or God

It's my observation and experience that for most people all FIVE elements must be in alignment for sex to be the most fulfilling in your life. I work to help you do just that.

What are some common sexual problems or concerns and how can Sex Coaching help?

For men:

Erectile dysfunction (not being able to get or keep an erection when you want)
Ejaculatory Control issues (not being able to control when you release at orgasm to ejaculation---early ejaculation being the most common, and including delayed ejaculation and learning how to reach multiple orgasms)
Lack of sexual desire
Lack of genital sensation
Body image issues, such as shame about penis size
Lack of skills for being a successful lover
Sexual shyness or inexperience
Lack of dating and/or social skills
Sexual shutdown (numbness with or about sex)
Relationship conflicts (including power struggles, lack of communication or negotiation skills, uneven desire, performance anxiety, anger or resentment…)
Kink, fetish and BDSM sexuality

For women:

Orgasm difficulties (Inability to reach orgasm alone and/or with a partner; fear of letting go)
Painful sex (dryness, vaginismus, pelvic pain disorders requiring a non-medical approach)
Lack of sexual desire
G Spot orgasms
Lack of skills for being a successful lover
Sexual shutdown (numbness with or about sex)
Relationship conflicts (including power struggles, lack of communication or negotiation skills, uneven desire, performance anxiety, anger or resentment…)
Kink, fetish and BDSM sexuality

Who can use Sex Coaching?

Any adult, really. I work with men, women and couples. Even teens are welcome to access the wide range of information available at our site for their protection and wellness. My work is gay/lesbian/trans-friendly, although the main approach on this site and in one-on-one sessions is heterosexually oriented.

What are the unique characteristics of the Sex Coaching approach?

Well, there are many similarities with other methods for healing sexual concerns. Yet, we are also erotophilic. I believe and I coach that individuals and couples can benefit greatly from integrating the use of explicited media  or erotic materials into their sexual repertoire. Sex Coaching is all about sexual enhancement, not just fixing what ails you. I work with you to empower your sexual experience toward real and positive results, never pathologizing your sexuality. In my one-on-one work, I offer the specialized personal intensive training for women known as "orgasm-directed coaching" based on the model created by Betty Dodson, my mentor and friend, which includes the five elements emphasizes body coaching awareness exercises in my office.

What is the Sex Coach mission?

As your Sex Coach my motto is "Celebrate your sexual self!"

What can you expect to gain from seeing a Sex Coach?

· A expert insider's perspective on sex, love and intimacy
· Fresh ideas
· A variety of sexual enhancement techniques
· Arousal materials
· Sharing and support
· Skill-based options
· Accessories for your sexual pleasure
· Up-to-date credible information
· Fun and entertainment
· Mind/emotions/body/spirit expansion
· Chance to communicate your views
· A place to find tolerance and acceptance


"Celebrate your sexual self!"
Dr Elna McIntosh